For example, when people
gave me flowers, I never knew what to do with them or where to put them. I
smelled them quickly, hardly looked at them. Today, I can spend hours making
and remaking bouquets, arrangements. I'm learning their names, their odors. I
watch them push up from my flower beds, wither, and then bloom again. I read books
about them. I ask gardeners and florists questions. What is more, every day,
at suppertime, I fiddle for a long time with the candlelight in each room of
the house and the patio and the terraces. I'm learning how to create
atmosphere, how to set a table, receive guests .
. . me . . . the one who was so
often the guest . . . perhaps too often. And in doing all that, I
discover in myself quirks and traits of character that I never noticed or never
took the time to see. Some make me happy, others don't. For example, I've learned
that I'm excessively concerned about details that are often very insignificant.
Even to the point of getting on my own nerves. Everything has to be perfect all
the time. If I notice something wrong—a
water stain on a wall, the wrong crease in the draperies, a candle that isn't
standing straight up—I don't stop
thinking about it, I get obsessed, I get up to wipe the stain, smooth out the
crease, straighten the candle. ... If
someone around
11
me isn't doing his work well, I ask him to start again, or if I can't, I go behind him and try to do it better myself.
Other days, I try to free myself of my tendency to correct things. I'm getting there, slowly but surely. I'll never be careless, and I'll never like disorder, but I believe that I could become more relaxed, let a few dead leaves drop onto the patio or in the pool without rushing to pick them up.
All the rigor and meticulousness with which I
practiced my singing for nearly twenty years have remained in me. And I've
transferred them to what now concerns me the most—Rene's health, first and before all—but
also the thousand and one details of daily life—
the upkeep of this house in Jupiter that I so love, the knickknacks, the
paintings, the furniture that I've filled it with. I also focus on the house
that we're having built in
