I'll admit that I'm a stickler for detail. I've always
been one, even as a little girl. If I had the smallest stain or the least tear
in my dress or my pajamas, I wanted my mother or my sisters to change me. I
like order and cleanliness. I need it. In my house, just as in my thoughts, I
want everything to be impeccable, clear, precise. That's doubtlessly why our reconciliations last longer
than our lovers' quarrels. When we argue, I tend to sulk a little, but
afterward I want Rene to describe in detail what he was feeling. I want to know
if he was feeling anger or sorrow, how much, and for how long. And I don't let
up as long as the least cloud persists between us, as long as there is the
least confusion or friction in our emotions. I'm the same way with everyone I love and everyone I
work with. And with myself. I like to be proud of myself. And I regularly take
stock, examine my conscience, whereas in the past I really wasn't that
interested in it. Looking back has never been my forte.
I try to take life as it comes. But I don't restrain myself from making plans. There are so many things, things that might seem simple and easy to most people but that I had never known or done because I was in show business. A walk on a busy street; a warm spring evening with old girlfriends; mingling with the crowd without being recognized; or a dinner at home, alone with the man I love; going shopping by myself; having a purse filled with personal belongings, a credit card, keys. And not knowing what tomorrow will bring, what I will do or where I will be in three weeks, in six months.
Likewise, I'm planning in detail the pleasure trip I want to take with
Rene to
I want to visit the world's most beautiful museums and its most famous castles, with guides who will teach me everything about the world's treasures.
I'm making plans, itineraries. I think of the dress I'll wear and what
I'll have Rene wear when we take a walk, some wonderfully mild evening, perhaps
in
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