As I passed Martin's car,
I gave him a big smile and waved to him. Then I lost control of my car, which
skidded violently in a circle and went off the road backward. I wasn't hurt, but the car was heavily damaged. I can't remember really
being afraid. On the contrary, you could say that the shock woke me up, jarred
me out of Elisa's character, and put me back in my own. At the time, I believed that nothing bad could happen to me. I had too
many plans in the works, too many hopes and dreams; in my mind, they had to be
realized. I would soon discover that nothing is that simple. Wishing and dreaming
aren't always enough. This doesn't mean there aren't periods in your life when
you feel invulnerable. And I was in one of those periods. When
Rene heard about the accident from my mother, he hurried
173
from Las Vegas in a panic. He swore he'd never leave me again when I was working.
I knew that his promise would be impossible to keep. I knew that we'd always be different from other couples. He had his passions— Las Vegas, gambling, golf—his friends, his work, a whole network of contacts he was establishing in major American show-business circles. I believe, and always will believe that a woman can't prevent the person she loves from leading the life of his dreams or from having his own world. And vice versa. Otherwise, their union becomes a kind of slavery. Each person gets a little smaller and his portion of happiness, his stock of dreams, diminishes. And inevitably the couple diminishes too.
Of course, I was happy when he was with me. When he talked to me about our plans or when he told me about the fabulous adventures of the Beatles or of the King. But I also loved him for his passion for gambling, of every sort, for his need to be constantly surrounded by his friends. I loved him because he was free and unpredictable. I loved him even for his absences, his actual physical absences, when he left for Las Vegas or Los Angeles. Then I dreamed of him; we talked often and for a long time on the telephone and his voice continued to delight me.
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