My collection includes
everything—candy-pink rain boots, shoes
with feathers and sequins, wooden clogs, alligator-skin bootees, other footwear
in plastic. And of course, I have a lot of high-heeled shoes that are very
chic, in every possible and impossible color, even transparent and fluorescent.
And I've worn them all at least once, even the ones that hurt my feet. I don't
know where I got this obsession from. I just know that the moment I walk into a
shoe store I'm not altogether myself. And I can behave in ways that are
completely irrational. Several times, I've bought the same shoe in every available
color. Then, when I get home, I realize that what I did was crazy, disturbingly
so. And then one day I told myself that perhaps this was my only quirk. In
every aspect of my professional life, I have to control my emotions to the
maximum, all my impulses, my feelings. It's part of my profession. I've got to
be extremely reasonable and disciplined about all that I do. Why, then, should
I deny myself this harmless quirk that doesn't hurt anybody and doesn't harm my
career in any way? Wherever I go, I look at the shoes of all the women I meet.
The men too, although with them the universe of shoes seems less rich and less
changing. With women the choice is limitless. And in this regard, all women are
equal. Thin or fat, young or old, we all have a vast number of choices every
time we go out, every moment of the day. In my early days, I liked
bright flashy clothes, frilly stuff. If my look had been left up to me alone,
I'm sure I would have rigged myself out like a flamboyant rock star or like an
aging vamp, with a
boa, a long skirt slit high up the thigh, and high heels. Whenever I was with Dada, we always seemed to find something hilarious or provocative—I'd say almost sinful—about the outfits I chose, or that I would have liked to choose if I'd had the money.
I dreamed of seeing myself walking the runway like a model. I'd imagine myself singing as I descended the great staircase of a music hall, wearing a sumptuous dress that was all feathers and sequins. I guess every young girl has dreamed of that at one time or another. But keeping up with fashion costs a lot more money than we were used to having.
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